<照耀着我的清晨> Shine In tHe Morning ON me [Part 3]

Another weekend is here.

Sent you a SMS on Friday morning, to know how you feel of your upset stomach, was surprise that you called, as you said you were lazy to reply my SMS. You told me that you worked until 5am+ in the morning, slept for about an hour, back in office to pass on the work to your colleague before you go home to rest during lunch time.

Told you that I would teach two classes on Friday, 1 in the afternoon, the other one in the evening. Ask if you could text me when at home. Read your SMS after my afternoon class. You're out with your mum. Ask me who will conduct the evening class in MSC, as you might want to join the class. No reply from you after that, don't know if you joined the class or not. It started to rain about 3pm+ when I was in MV. Sent few SMS to you around night time, no reply, guess you should be having your rest at home. Sent you a Goodnight message before going to bed to end my Friday.

Had your reply on Saturday morning, told me you slept at 8pm last night. On your way to Sunway for class. Remind you to have your meal. You replied that you were on your way to Jusco to get something to eat, and bought your protein supplement. I spent whole afternoon in MV, settling the new releases launching related issues as the person-in-charge is away for holidays. Another 2 classes today in the club back-to-back in the evening.

Thank you for spending time reading my blog. And thank you for feeling touched with what I wrote, with my poor English.

I know you have to work on your own issues first, you need time for yourself to work things out, and now is not a good time for you to engage or commit to any new relationship, as it's not fair for you or me. Furthermore, we still don't have the chance to talk about your issues, as you said; you would let me know when it's time. What I want you to know is, I really understand, I do, honestly.


Few weeks back, when I told one of my close friends, that I met someone I would like to spend more time with, my friend just asked me a question that make me ponder, for some time. His question was, " You are just single for few months, why you want to rush into a new relationship again so fast? Go slow and enjoy your single life, enjoy the dating process. Don't jump into the boat so fast."


In a way, my friend had the point. I'm just single for 7 months. God knows how hard I had tried to gain my strength and stand up proud again, healing day after day, and become a stronger person each day as time passed. And yes, why don't I slow down a bit, look around, and enjoy the moment that I had missed all these years? The time to spend whole day in MPH or kino-kuniya, reading books I like without worrying of someone else? The freedom to listen to my songs collection while reading my favourite book? Isn't that what I hope for, some personal time, to enjoy myself, with the peace of mind?


TIME is the best medicine to heal any hurt that we have, physically or emotionally. And that is what you need the most. Sorry if I make you feel that I'm pressuring or rushing you into a relationship with me. Honestly, I did think of that before. Why? I don't know if you will agree, but sometimes it's just too hard to find someone who shares the same intension like we do, in many aspects. I just don't want to let go the opportunity. Anyhow, my friend's advice did "wake" me up in certain way.


I won't say or promise something like, I will wait for you or what-so-ever, as that is going to make you feel pressurize. I would just be myself, like an open book, for you to read and turn the page, to go on to the next chapter, whenever you feel like to. I won't dare says that I'm a good book that worth reading, as some of the chapters were written badly. I do hope those chapters you are soon to discover/read would be as true as what I could provide you with, the real me, the unhidden me, under the Sun.


I don't know if going out with me for meal or a drink consider as dating for you rather than outing. I really hope that we could have meal again like we first did, chat and talk about lots of things or share some nice songs. To enjoy the moment to be your friend. Getting know each other, and let time reveal the future. In the meantime, just let nature takes its cost. Deal?

~ I tried not to worry too much..

Just want you to know,

I worried because I CARE... ~

王光良/江美琪 - 對你有感覺



我曾深刻体会 对爱感到胆怯
还好有懂我的你 给我安慰

看你失落的脸 又再为爱憔悴
我心痛的感觉 竟如此的强烈

眼角的泪 它给过谁
伤透了心 也无所谓
我会愿意静静地 陪在你身边
如果说爱 已不可为
那我宁愿 藏心里面
其实我害怕 会失去你的感觉

怎么会开始对你有了感觉
又深怕朋友默契转身不见
矛盾着 犹豫不决
没准备 跨越爱的界线

怎么会开始对你有了感觉
深陷朋友恋人之间的危险
进与退 被爱包围
谁犯规 都狼狈
谁能解围 让一切完美

怎么会开始对你有了感觉
深陷朋友恋人之间的危险
你和我 拥抱瞬间
不后悔 这暧昧
星光唯美 把爱放心里面

<照耀着我的清晨> Shine In tHe Morning ON me [Part 2]

It had been almost a week since I last saw you. It's the first time we met, after you know how I feel about you. Tried to ask you out for lunch/dinner for few times, all turn down by you, as need to finish work in office. May be I should just let you decide when you are free and ready to meet for meal again.

It was Tuesday, when you were in club to attend the 5.30pm class. I was thinking a lot, of how would I or how should I react if you were in the class, but honestly, not what you saw on the day itself. I don't know how to describe how I felt when you were standing right in front of me, shy, may be more precise, Pai Seh. I can feel that you felt the same too. I so wanted to look into your eyes directly, but I was scared to do so, of what happened last week. I can only steal a glance at you when you were not looking at me. I don't know what was in your mind at that moment, but, honestly, it's hard to control myself not to look at you.

It was hard for me to concentrate, to conduct the class, and if you noticed, you would find I had said lots of things wrongly. Slowly, I gain control of myself, being more comfortable as the class go on. And slowly, I started to have eyes contact with you, gave you a smile.

I still remembered your expression when you listened to the intro of the songs, and look at me; and I just smile back at you. Thanks to that song, it broke the barrier between us. You continued to put back the equipments to their places, and there were just you and me when we were done. Managed to have a short chat with you. Hearing you telling me that you felt weak, made me worried, I did. All I can do, was to ask you to get something to eat before finish up your work, and head back home to rest early on that day. Was thinking to buy you some herbal drink, as you might start to feel the symptoms of falling sick, but I didn't. I know you would feel uncomfortable if I really do that.

My friends, whom know about the existence of you, would all told me that I'm being too sensitive over small thing, but that was what I felt, a brick wall between us, and I knew why it's there.

I'm now reading a book named "The Last Lecture" by Randy Paunch, a professor of Carnegie Mellon University, who passed away due to pancreatic cancer on July 2008. There is a chapter in the book telling the encounter between him and his wife. A brick wall in between them. He called home to talk to his parents about it, and his parents told him to be supportive if he loves her. And if she does love him, then love will win out. What makes me remember the most at the end of the story was, "Brick walls are there for a reason. They give us a chance to show how badly we want something."

I just want to share something with you. I know and I understand how you feel, of what you are going through now. And believe me, I honestly did. I don't dare to say the broke off I felt after a 7-years relationship had a stronger impact than yours, but the pain we both experienced, won't be much different.

I used to tell my ex long time ago before we broke off, that it would be the last time I involved in a relationship. If things don't work out for us, I would choose to move on without one in my life, and my ex would be the last. But months later after the broke off, I changed my mind. After all the incidents and news I heard about my ex, after our broke off, I just realised that it's the wrong person that I made such promise too. Ever wonder why they always said MR. RIGHT? Because it makes you think that HE is the RIGHT person that you could show your love, and share your life with. It's about the RIGHT or WRONG person, NOT the love.

There was once I talk to a close friend about how I felt after broke off, and I told him it's really tiring, and love HURTS. He just look at me and said, "Love DOESN'T hurt anyone, it's the human who used love to hurt others." Having a serious thinking of his statement, he has his point. Really, love doesn't hurt; it is human that is hurting each other, with love. We make a lot of promises when we were in love, without bothering if we could ever keep our words. And when we broke off, these promises were the one that hurt us the most. Why made so many promises when you know you can't keep it in the end of the day?

Lesson learned? I won't make any promise to make you happy. I would only show you with action. Actions speak louder than words. I would make you feel what I want you to know, with action, rather than blinded you with empty promises.

Along the journey of recovery from the broke off, I felt grateful of having a group of caring yet supportive friends that accompanied me throughout the process of recovery. If it was not because of them, I won't be standing up again with pride and joy in life, in just few months time. It takes time to recover, as it's a process for us to learn from the past relationship, so that we won't repeat the same mistake in the future relationship. Along the road of recovery, I did feel something with certain person, but was being rejected. We are friends now, which could share quite a number of things in life.

I remembered something like this from a book. "If you are a person who still believe and have faith in love, don't close up your heart, and wait for love to appear in front of you. If you don't give yourself a chance to try and get know of a person, how would you know if the next person is the right one for you? Everyone have the bad experience of the hurt felt and the painful memories of past. But, look around us, who of you know have a smooth relationship from the beginning? When you decide to close up your heart for a relationship that you know won't worth keeping, you might miss the person who would really bring you love and happiness."

I guess this would be the longest blog that I ever wrote till now. Just want you to know that, I respect your choice, as I understand what you are going through now. I do hope I would be given a chance to get to know you better, or for you to know me better. I'm not that complicated anyway, you could read me like an opened book, nothing hidden.

Do you notice besides SORRY, what word we used the most in our SMSes? NO WORRY! Sometimes I just can't help to think in such way that, why we worried? My answer is simple, because we CARE. What about you?


AFGAN - My Confession



Your smile brings light into my days
The tought of you, warms my night
To hold you in my arms
Even in my dreams it feels so right
Loving you...

You never see the way I look into your eyes
You never realize the love I feel Inside
Pain and sorrow that haunted me,
Cause words I've left unsaid

Now you found someone else to love
Deep in my heart, my love won't fade away
To hold you in my arms
Even in my dreams it feels so right loving you

You never see the way I look into your Eyes
You never realize the love I feel Inside
Pain and sorrow that haunted me,
Cause words I've left unsaid

You never see the way I look into your Eyes
You never realize the love I feel Inside
Pain and sorrow that haunted me,
Cause words I've left unsaid to you...

<照耀着我的清晨> Shine In tHe Morning ON me [Part 1]

It's been more than 2 months since I last wrote something about my life. Many things happened in these 2 months time. Had an accident after one raining evening in front of Sunway Pyramid, leaving a "L" shape scar on my LEFT curl, reminding me to be more careful when riding on road. However, I managed to go through it all, safely, for those who loves me, and for those I loved.

I still remember the Wednesday night that we had our first dinner together, after you went back office to settle some work after pump class, at Kim Gary. The song that you shared with me. Hearing your conversation with your close friend over the phone, with the apologize look on your face, while I'm listening to your songs collection in your iPod. Giving you a pad on your shoulder, to let you know it's okay with me.

We chatted the whole night long, about our past, present and future, until the shop closed, until 2am. It's a long chat. I had never chat with anyone for that long in years. I guess that's the time when I started to feel something developing in my heart, on you; a honest, mature thinking and loyal-to-love person.

I could still remember the sms-es that we corresponded days after our dinner, and over the weekend. If it's not because of my mobile faulty, I would still have those sms-es with me. The thing that I remember the most, was the sms you sent to me, saying that you would text me when you were home safely after chilling with your friends, and you did, for the two days in the weekend.

Our first movie in MV on Sunday midnight, Journey to The Center of The Earth-3D. I really hope you like the album I burned for you, and the lyrics that I sent to your email days later. I had a good time in the cinema, and I knew you did too. I'm really looking forward for the next outing with you, for dinner, drink or movie, again. We continue to SMS each other, everyday, every night. Tried to ask you out for dinner again, but your tight and busy working nature doesn't allow us to spend a meal together.

Another weekend come. You were out with friends, and I took the most silly move to ask you to text me when you were home that night, and you did. Anyhow, I guess it's that time, you started to feel something. You were on MC on the Monday, due to your upset stomach that had bothered your for few days. Sent you few SMS to see how were you doing, but you were busy with your room cleaning that you didnt reply these SMS until you were on your way to MSC. Do you know, I didn't expect you to turn back and walk to me, after keeping all the equipments, to tell me that you have to go back early to finish up your room clean up that you left halfway, in order to come to join the class? I was about to wave good bye to you when you were approaching the glass door. Another week comes and goes.

Something happened on last Wednesday in the gym. This incident did depressed me for few days, nothing much I can do about it. I finally learn it the hard way. I'm just have to be more careful with my behavior during class in future.

Anyhow, it's on the same night that I had your SMS, telling me that you are in your recovery stage from your previous relationship, and you just wish to live a simple recovery life, that doesn't make other people and your life hard. You said it's something imprinted into you since the last relationship, and you would tell me what it's when the time is here. Nothing much I can do.



AFGAN - Terima Kasih Cinta
(The song of your new favorite artist that you shared with me during our dinner)



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