<寂寞。你> Alone 。You

I met up with one of my close friends for dinner on Friday night, as his lover is back to hometown in Kulim. Catch up with him about each other recent life and future plan. As the conversation went on, he suddenly asked me this question,"This question is kind of personal, but do you ever feel alone or lonely when back at home at night, after broke off, where there was used to be someone waiting for you?"

This question makes me think. Did I feel lonely or alone before, ever since broke off last 5 months ago?

The only thing that I remembered about this 5 months was i always went home late, sleep late in the night, before dawn. I always stayed at best friend's place until 11pm or 12 midnight, before he had to sleep as need to work the next day. I would be on my motorbike, and ride from Cheras to Wangsa Maju, then to Bukit Damansara, turns to Kelana Jaya, all the way to Sunway, and down to Federal Highway to go home. I was fear, to go home, the feeling of seeing someone's belongings make me sad, down and hurt; when i know the person was no longer there in the house. I just wanna run away from it, but I know somehow rather I have to face it one day, no matter how long I run away from it. Dealing with the feeling, accept the facts, supports from friends, are the courage that makes me move on, until today, until now, until I meet you.

I thought I would not fall in love that easily again after the hurt I experienced, after being loving someone so selflessly, so foolishly for almost 7 years. I told myself, enough, let's make everything, every pain i felt, every hurt on my heart beat to the end, never love like this again, unless that person could really do something that makes me feel touched.

Until I met you, after you broke off with your love one,that was being together for two years; all the lies told, all the things done, that come to the end, like my case, make me feel something, especially of knowing what kind of relationship you want in future. The more I chat with you, the more I fall into you. I don't know why. Sometimes, certain thing just have no answer.

After knowing you, home became a place that I wanted to go to the most. Wanted to chat with you in the MSN. Don't want you to wait for me for too long. We could chat for hours, until every time you have to remind me to sleep early, as need to work in the next morning, and I always tried to chat you for few more moment.

I know how you feel about me. I know your life and career are in chaos now. You resigned early this year, planning to go to S'pore to company your love one, never expect of the broke off. With so many people that are after you, and that you don't wish to jump into another relationship without knowing the person well. I have no option, besides respect your decision. I understand your condition, as once, my life was like that too. Thanks to the supports of my friends.

Thank you for your honesty. Thank you for your caring. Sorry for don't know how to react properly after hearing what you told me. Sorry for not knowing how to handle such condition. I was glad that I called you the next night, to talk to you over the phone, and tell you what is my decision.

No one know about future. All I wish for, is your happiness. Hope we would have the chance to get to know each other more, and well. I think our progression is good, even though we only keep in touch via sms or in MSN. Really wish we both have the time and chance to get to know each other better..


张栋梁 - 只因为你



从清晨露出微笑的金黄
我知道我不会再孤单
看你为我绽放的脸庞
放在心上
有了你我的世界不一样

童话里幸福终结了忧伤
你是我最靠近的坚强
有你陪我自在地遨翔抬头仰望
天空变成一座游乐场
世界更明亮

只因为你我情不自禁闭上眼睛
心里想了想还是你
不让你离开我的手心
呵护着你幻想着
紧抱在我怀里
只因为你我情不自禁这样为你
证明我不再孩子气
如果有一天我们老去寸步不离
回忆里如镜子都是你