<再 见> Goodbye

1月7日。身旁没有你的日子。第十八天。阴。

今天中午接到你的简讯，问我是否已为你备份电脑里你的文件，及告诉我你会在今晚或明天回来收拾你的物件。这一天终于还是来了。总是会问你几时会告诉我这决定，其实心里总希望你不会真的会搬走你的东西。那么多天了，不晓得是什么让你决定回来收拾你的物件。

下午4点左右，你回到家。看你给菩萨上了香，站在你面前，心里有许多话想告诉你，却胡言乱语了一番，直到你告诉我天色已晚，你该开始收拾了。坐在一边，看你收拾你要的，清理你不要的，偶尔问问我是否还要某些东西。坐着坐着，也开始帮你收拾你的东西。

远处响起了阵阵雷声，天，还是下起了倾盆大雨。站在落地窗前，心里淌着血。那痛，已非笔墨能形容。

终于，你还是收拾好了。该拿走的，已装进箱子里。要给人的，已装进袋子里。想丢的，也已在一旁。帮着你，把所有箱子都搬到你车旁。在你忙着把箱子放进车里时，开了车门，坐上了司机座位。双手握方向盘，看着车里的一切，该是最后一次坐在这熟悉的位子了。许多与你在车里的画面，电光石火般，一幕幕的映在脑海里。驾车时握着你的手，亲吻你的脸；喂我吃东西，分享包点；在车里与你一起练习 BODYPUMP 和 BODYCOMBAT 的歌曲；过了今天，这些画面只能在记忆里出现。

临上车前得叮呤，要我好好照顾自己。我只能站在车旁，隔着车镜，看着你，无声的对你说着，“我爱你”，“我爱你”，“我爱你”。。。直到你启动了车子，离开了我们一起度过了4年的地方。雨，终于停了；眼泪，还是落下了。。。

回到房里，已人去房空。坐在电脑前，听着王力宏的你不在，脑海里只是重覆着一句话，“你真的走了”。F 给我发了简讯，问晚上是否有空见面。告诉 F 我的情况，F 只回复说等我心情回复后再见吧。V 拨了通电话，问我是否还好。与 V 述说着你我在这屋里的点点滴滴；快乐，温馨，争執，悲伤；BABY，我好想念你。。。

10：3pm，门铃响了。V 知道我会忘了时间，为我买了晚餐。V 什么也没说，只给了我一个拥抱。好熟悉的体位，好熟悉的身高，好熟悉的温暖。眼泪一滴滴的落在 V 的肩旁上。V 只是静静的抱着我，让我的悲伤，尽情的渲泄。

面对着 V，把我们的故事重头述说。V 只是静静的在听着，心情慢慢的平复，泪也渐渐的停了。痛到了极点，反而让我想通了。

你走了，已是不变的事实，我也不能挽回什么。对你的爱，只能放在心上，在心里默默的继续关心你，爱你。心里的痛，感情的伤，只能等待；让时间缓缓的，治疗，复原。。。

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Life without you by my side. The 18th day. Rainy.

Received your sms this afternoon, asking if I had helped you to back up all your files in computer into DVD, and told me that you will be back to pack your things tonight or tomorrow. The day was finally here. I had been questioning, when would you come back to pack your things. Deep down inside me, I do hope that you won't come back to do so. After so many days, I don't know what makes you finally decided to come back and pack your things.

About 4pm, you were back at home. Standing right in front of you, after you pray, I so wanted to tell you how much I miss you, but all i did was talking some non-sence, until you told me it's getting late, that you had to start to pack your things. Sitting at a side, watching you packing things that you want into boxes, throwing things that you don't want into plastic bags, ask me if I would like to keep certain things once in a while. Without realized, I starts to help you with your packing.

Storms from far was approaching. Heavy rain was finally here. Standing in front the sliding door, looking at the rain, the pain within, it's beyond words.

At last, you're done with your packing. Things you want were in the box, things you want to donate is in the bags, and things u don't want were in the plastic bags. I helped you to carry all your belongings to your car. When you were busy loading the boxes into your car, I opened the car's door, sat in the driver's seat. Hands on the steering, this would be the last time that I sat in this seat that I used to sit last time, I thought to myself. Memories with you in the car, flashing across my mind. Holding your hand when I was driving, eating PAO in the car,practising BODYPUMP and BODYCOMBAT tracks together in the car with you, after today, it's just memories.

You just told me to take good care of myself before you got into the car. I looked at you, through the mirror, moving my lips, whispering I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU.... until you start the car, and drove off, leaving the place that we had lived together for 4 years. The rain had finally stopped, my tears was finally dropped...

Back into the house, it felt so empty without you. Sitting in front of the computer, listening to Lee Hom's song, YOU'RE NOT HERE; my mind was only repeating the same line, YOU'RE GONE... F sms me to know if I was free for drink at night, I told him what happened, and he just replied, wait till I'm ready to meet. V called, checking if I'm doing fine. I was walking around the house, telling him the stories of us in this house, the happiness, the warmness, the argument, and the sadness. BABY, I miss you so much...

10:30pm, the door bell rang. It's V. He bought me dinner, as he knew I would forget the time to eat. V didn't say anything, he just gave me a hug. The familiar post, the familiar height, and the familiar body temperature. Tears dropped on V's shoulder, V just held me quietly, for me to let go my sadness within.

I told V our stories from the night that we met in Setapak when you're still studying in TARC. V listened quietly. I was calmed when telling him our stories, tears stop eventually. The extreme pain within, makes me realized that it's time.

You were gone. It's a fact that I couldn't change. I could only keep the love I have for you, within me now; care and love you, in my heart. Time will heal, the pain within, the hurt I felt, slowly, eventually...



KATE RYAN - GOODBYE



Visions about you bring tears to my eyes
All that surrounds you were secrets and lies
You were my strength you were my dream
We were a perfect team

Our love was stronger than the winds of time
Could hold you longer till the day I die... goodbye
Goodbye

The love songs I wrote, I cannot sing them anymore
This is all your fault 'cause you walked out the door
You were my strength - You were my dream
Love hurts, when it's not what it seems

Our love was stronger than the winds of time
Could hold you longer till the day I die... goodbye
Goodbye